So, I probably should have written this yesterday

But I’m home. Yes, finally, home at last. No more Pro-Life billboards lining the highway, no more whiney aunt with a serious issue with insecurity, no more bed lined with plastic sheets. Nope, but I will admit, I will miss Minnesota. Really, I love my family, and it just sucks that I don’t get to see them more often. I feel so much stronger now than I did before I left. I don’t know, I think it’s just something about getting in touch with your family that makes you feel more…you. And this being the first trip that I’ve ever taken to Minnesota without my grandmother, it was a really different trip. Now I see so much more of my mother in her. It’s insane, and myself as well. All I could think about on the drive home was how much I was like her. I never complained. I cook…very well actually. And the one thing that stood out for me more than anything else, I was the one taking all the pictures. Sure, Gary and Dawn took some pictures every now and then (Gary’s my uncle and Dawn’s my second cousin by marriage), but I was barely in any photos, and barely in any video. I guess that’s probably not the best thing for the balancing of a photo album, but all I see in those pictures is memories. Sweet, sweet memories. So what if I’m not in them? I know that I took them, so that’s all that counts, so when my grandkids take a look at the 60 years from now, they won’t see me in many pictures, but that’ll be because I took them. And that’s exactly how it is with my grandma. The only pictures I can think of that actually have my grandma in them are the ones of when she was a kid, or at her wedding, or my mom’s wedding. Honestly, I can’t remember very many pictures with my grandma in them. And to an extent, it saddens me, because the last pictures we took of grandma were 3 months before she died at my cousin Todd’s wedding in 2002. She was walker-bound, lost all her hair, and her double chin had depleted to mere flaps of skin.

I was a grandma’s girl.

I miss her. And going back to where she grew up, and where her sister’s were buried, and where the rest of the Ingegretson’s were buried, just made me feel so much closer to her. Back in ’00 when we went last time, there weren’t as many of my relatives that had died, so there wasn’t much of a need for cemetery day, but cemetery day was probably the day that I enjoyed almost the most. Why? You’re probably wondering, well I’ll tell you the story.

Cemetery day was on monday of our trip–a week ago tomorrow. We went to 6 cemeteries total that day, and the third one we went to was for my grandpa’s side of the family, my great grandma Mildred Strom (or Radke if you used her maiden name). But it was the weirdest thing. We pulled into this HUGE cemetery, right behind a funeral procession, which was awkward, but we drove around these lots, and my grandpa was like “I think it’s over here,” and he hadn’t been to this cemetery in years. He’s going to be 79 in December, so he’s getting up there. But anyway, so we stop the car and my mom tells my sister and I to go look for the Radkes or the Stroms. And the first grave I look at, the very first one, which didn’t even have a headstone, it only had a footstone, was my uncle Ellmer, my great grandma’s half brother. The only way I ever remember him was when he told my sister and I that we would “give you a quarter if you go sit in the corner.” Seriously, that’s what he said. But he was the first name that I came upon, totally random, but not. I don’t think it was random at all. I really don’t. I think my grandpa either had a feeling, and then I had a feeling, or something was guiding us, because it was that weird. In that whole place, with was acres long, we came right to Ellmer’s grave first.

It was weird, right?

I thought so.

Hmm, what else is there to write about my vacation before I get to today. Well, on thursday we went to go watch my cousin Zac play baseball and my cousin Melissa and Libby and I went on the swings in the playground. It was very nice, because Melissa has always been my favorite cousin on my mom’s side, because she’s pretty close in age, although there is one other cousin who is my age, but she’s not as funny and friendly. So, I think that’s about it for now. If I think of anything that I left out, I’ll write about it later.

Now, to today.

Guh, the day that I’ve been more dreading and anticipating since Ryan and I started dating.

He came to my house to meet my family.

And actually, it went phenomenally well. My mom was friendly, my dad wasn’t weird, my sister liked him, and Lindsay (one of Libby’s friends by proxy my friend) said that he has her seal of approval, not like her opinion mattered all that much. But nothing was weird. Dad didn’t have a “talk” with him, and we were at the movies when my uncle came to pick up his Walleye.

Oh! Walleye is the greatest fish ever, btw.

Annnywaaaayyyyss…

But yeah, so my uncle would have been the one to be weird, because he has no kids of his own, so we’re almost like his kids. But, Ryan didn’t get a chance to meet any of my friends from home. Andrea was at work and Cassie couldn’t come over. And school was out, so going to see Derek was out of the question. There’s no way I would have driven Ryan all the way to Belfair to have a “talk” with Derek. Oh well, he’ll just have to meet them next time. I’m not quite sure when that will be, seeing that I never get weekends off, but I’ll have to request one sooner or later. But I’m weary of my boss’s scheduling skills right now, seeing that she didn’t schedule me to open tomorrow, and I need to be to CLASS before 5:30 to talk to my professor. She scheduled me to for 10-6:30. So I called today and asked if I could come in at 9 instead, and leave a half an hour early. When I reminded her about what I wrote in the calendar, she said that I wrote that I needed tuesdays and wednesdays off.

WTF!?!

I’m not that dumb to write in tuesday instead of monday. It would be obvious in the calendar that those two days were consecutive, and I don’t have classes on consecutive days.

She’s not the brightest bulb in the package. But I’m not bitter.

Oh well, I’ll get it taken care of tomorrow. It’ll be fine, she’s normally pretty chill if I give her enough notice.

I’m gonna go watch Fight Club now. Best. Movie. Ever.

❤ Abby

The interweb sucks

Yeah, it really does.

I’m at an internet cafe right now in Detroit Lakes, because the IP address somehow disappeared at the resort that we are staying. I got so frustrated with my computer, because I needed to register for classes at UW YESTERDAY! And yesterday morning I got part of it done, but I couldn’t get the rest of it finished last night, but today I finally got in my classes. And lucky for me, none of them were full. Two of them were almost full, but the last one had plenty of room.

I’m taking the graviest classes–Children and TV, Film Studies, and Critical approaches to mass communication. Hey, I got all my gen ed requirements done at St. Martin’s last year, so I get to take all the classes in my major. Heck yes!

I’m gonna go, I want to see if there’s anything else that I can do that’s productive.

Otherwise, my vacation is going quite well. I hope all’s well with everyone else.

❤ Abby

Big bear, big bear chase me!

So I’m on vacation. It’s wonderful.

I’ll start from the beginning. On thursday, we woke up at some ungodly hour, and drove all the way to Billings, Montana in one day. From 5:30 am to 9 pm Montana time, which is an hour later, we drove. We drove and drove. We drove through the Cascades and the Rockies in one day. We only made 2 real stops that day. We had to stop at the Silver Dollar Bar and Casino right over the Idaho-Montana border. And then we made a rest stop in Wibeax, or Weebo, and this rest stop ended up being 45 minutes long, since Dad’s truck bed cover got stuck open. We had to poor Olive Oil down the keyhole to get it to turn, and it was a very frustrating 45 minutes.

That night, we almost didn’t get a motel. We called about 8 places, and all of them were booked, except those that had smoking sections available. Needless to say, we didn’t stay in the smoking section of a motel. I think we stayed at the Fairfield Marriott. I’m not 100% sure that’s what it was called. But it was pretty ghetto.

The next morning, we left at 6 am Montana time, still feeling an hour ahead. So in my mind, we left at 5. 5 am. That’s just ridiculous. I think we only had one stop on friday for reals, besides gas and pee stops. We had lunch at Hardee’s in North Dakota. And it was right as we got into North Dakota.

North Dakota is the flattest place you will ever drive in. I’m pretty sure I could see the Minnesota border once we crossed the Montana border. It’s THAT flat. But Dad was too much of a pussy to drive any higher than 75 because he said he was going to waste gas. Obviously he could afford to waste gas, because once we got out of Washington, gas was almost under $4, and once we got into North Dakota, gas was never over $4. The cheapest I’ve seen it was $3.74. While at home, we pay up to $4.59 at Chevron. I mean, seriously Washington? If Minnesota can do it, we can too.

But the best part about this vacation is how small town everything is. We’ve actually passed through towns with a population of 92. I think that was Callaway…or Ogema…I don’t know. Erskine has a population of 452. Erskine’s where my cousin Melissa is from, and she’s the main reason we all came on this vacation. Her and Carr’s wedding was yesterday, and it was wonderful. I’m pretty sure the entire population of Erskine was at the wedding though. That’s how small town this part of Minnesota is. I could never live here, for the mere fact that we also passed a sign that said “Is this a choice or a child?” and it was a picture of a sonogram. Okay, not that fact alone, but what that sign represents–people here are so darn conservative in this part of Minnesota…it’s kind of like Washington in that the populated part is Liberal, but the scarcely populated part is Conservative…however, Washington is more populated, so we’re always blue in the election. But back to Melissa’s wedding. It was so nice to see everyone again. I love family, and this is the most of my family I think I’ve seen together ever. At least family that I at least see. There’s plenty more in Dad’s family, but I don’t know half of them. My mom stays in contact with all her family. It’s easy to, since most of them are quite old. My uncle Dana is 83, my Aunt Lorraine is 77, and it just goes down from there. We’re actually staying with Lorraine and Dana and Matt and Dawn and Avery, and Robbie and Jim. That’s all Bahan family. It’s a very large family. Trust me. There are 11 cousins between 5 brothers and sisters. Although, that doesn’t really seem like that many, but there are plenty more on grandma’s side.

I would write a hell of a lot more, but we’re going to go play cards out in the living room…OH WAIT! THE CABIN! It’s freaking awesome. Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s no cabin that kicks more ass. We walked in and I looked up the stairs and instantly thought The Great Outdoors…”Big bear, big bear chase me!” That’s such a great movie. I get my own room. I have to sleep on a single, but still. My own room is nice for once on vacation. We don’t get that a lot, seeing that Libby and I had to share a queen at the hotel in Billings. Oh well. Our water smells like sulphur, and it’s very soft water, so is feels kinda slimy, and it doesn’t really feel like we’re clean, but we’ve got candles to cover up the smell. We are on a lake, and there are swingsets, paddle boats, and fishing boats. My uncle Gary hasn’t caught anything yet, but my Dad caught a big mouth bass today, as well as Robbie’s 8 tiny bluegills. We better have some sort of fish dinner later this week. Hmm…what else is there to talk about?

Oh, I can’t forget Avery!

Avery is the cutest little girl I’ve ever had as a cousin. She’s two, and she’s Matt and Dawn’s daughter. But oh boy is she cute. She has the biggest blue eyes you could ever imagine, and when we asked where she is, she said “Minntota!” Yes, I went on vacation to the state of Minntota, the land of a thousand lakes…and very small towns…although they are more like townships by their size.

I should really go now. I’ll update later in the week, after cemetery day. Don’t ask, I’ll explain later.

❤ Abby

Stay where you are

This will be a self-reflective blog. I probably didn’t need the disclaimer, but I’d like to warn you that this one’s personal.

The title of this one comes from an Ambulance LTD song, that ironically played during an integral part of Grey’s Anatomy…I know, it’s sad. But it’s true. It came in season 2 in episode 17, “(As we know it)”, as in the episode after Meredith stuck her hand in a body cavity, holding onto a bomb. It was a pivotal time in her life, thinking that she may die, that she may never get to be a resident and marry Derek Shepherd, the love of her life. Okay, so I’m being a little over-dramatic and ridiculous, and I’m not really so much connecting with the scene, but with the song.

Stay where you are.

Don’t leave.

Don’t change.

Stay where you are.

I thought last summer was hard, when I actually graduated, but the fact of the matter was, everyone was still here. We were in limbo, waiting to start college, still living like we were kids. But now, the second summer after high school, here we are. Adults. WIth jobs, and lives away from our childhood and high school friends. It’s all coming on so fast.

First, I get a full-time job, 5 days a week, with little time to myself. Two days off, one kind of devoted to seeing my boyfriend Ryan in Lacey, which is a fine drive, I’ve gotten used to it by now. Next, I find out that one of my best friends, Caity isn’t coming home for the summer, which leaves me for the summer without our movie parties and laser tag nights and visits back to Outlook. Speaking of Outlook, the third one is pretty hard for me. Derek is leaving Outlook. Leaving PHS and finding a new job up around Seattle. I know he did it for a good reason, and I’m proud of him for it. But it still hurts. I just can’t imagine how hard it was for this year’s Outlookers to hear. I don’t even want to know. The next couple of things just came on today.

Laura, my best friend of 10 years is working at Mt. Rainier for the summer, which is only a couple-hour drive, but still. We won’t be able to talk at all. She will have no cell phone reception and barely any internet. I’ve never been this far away from her for so long, and it will be hard. My friend Sarah, who I recently reconciled with, is spending the summer working in Colorado. So I’ll have Andrea and Cassie. Thank god for Andrea and Cassie. I won’t have anyone but my family and Andrea and Cassie within 10 miles to turn to when I’m in need of some time away from work. It’s not like I’m turning away my other friends, it’s just not the same as having everyone here together. Michael’s staying at school, Caity’s gone, and everyone else has jobs here at home.

Life just caught up with me. And it scares me to death. I feel like my hand is on the bomb in the body cavity, trying to decide what I’m going to do, try to hold on to my past, which I’ve always done, or let go and move on, pull my hand out of the body cavity, but risk killing everything I knew. Risk losing the things that I love and what I’ve always loved.

I don’t know where these tears came from. I think Julia did it tonight. It was the night of musical theater and the song that she sang made me cry. Libby’s did too. She sang “Imagine.” It was amazing. But you know when you start to cry and you can’t really stop? When something sets you off and then you start to think of everything else that makes to cry, and it’s all put into one tearfest? It was the senior’s last day yesterday, and it reminded me of when I had my last day. And how it really wasn’t my last day.

Everything’s changing again, and the remodel at work is just rubbing it in. Target’s remodeling, Petco’s remodeling, life is remodeling.

Stay where you are please. Or preferably go back 8 months. Go back to 8 months ago when we were still all together and still kids.

Just stay where you are.

❤ Abby

Change We Can Believe In

Oh yes we can.

And we did.

Obama won the nomination, and I couldn’t be more excited. I had work last night until 9, and mom recorded Obama’s speech after all the delegates were counted and she watched it twice. I was almost in tears when I watched it. We made history yesterday. We have the first black democratic nominee, the first one who actually has a chance to be president. If we as Americans can vote him into the presidency, it would be the first step in the right direction towards unity and peace. Hopefully. I just can’t help but be hopeful. I can be hopeful for the next 5 months, and then if we do the right thing, I can be hopeful for the next 4 years. Please America, make the right decision.

I sat down and watched his speech, in awe of how humble and gracious he was. He said that he was honored to have run the race with such a fine competitor, Hillary Clinton. No way would she have said that. She would have gone on and on about her. Obama rarely says “I.” He always says “We.” He instills hope in the American people, and I’m so grateful for that.

What’s actually kind of funny is that Hillary didn’t concede. She didn’t accept defeat after Obama already got the votes that he needed. He got the amount of delegates that he needed to clinch the nomination. She’s just bitter that Michigan and Florida didn’t get to be counted, since she won those states. I don’t think she would have won even with those delegates anyway, but she feels like she was cheated and she still deserves the nomination. She better accept the vice presidential nomination if Obama offers it. If she doesn’t, then she really is a bitch.

I’m so relieved. I’m so at peace, and I’m so fired up to go vote in November!

Please America, make the right decision.

❤ Abby