Archive | April, 2012

This is just fucking ridiculous

22 Apr

I haven’t posted on this here blog in over 2 years. I know part of it is because I’ve acquired a YouTube account, but I can’t help but think that there were maybe a few people that read this religiously, and once I stopped they were so confused about where I was and if I had died. I doubt that actually happened, but I felt like writing today, and I went through my Facebook notes archives to find plenty of posts from here. So I thought I’d start it up again, in case anyone cares.

There is no sense in filling you in, since it’s not like there is no timeline that only pertains to my wordpress presence. I have Tumblr and Twitter and YouTube for the rest of that. But for some reason, not sure why, but Tumblr just doesn’t feel like an appropriate place to just write. I scroll through long posts on my dashboard, so it’s not like people would read it. Plus, I miss seeing Keith’s face on the top of my posts. I just miss Keith.

So I’m here, but what am I going to write about? I don’t even know now. I mean, I came all the way here with nothing to say? What the heck, Abby? Should I put some inspiring music on? Shit, all the music I’ve been listening to lately is inspiring in some way or another – whether it be some of my favourite musicians from years past, or musicians that I now call my friends.

Yeah, that’s a thing now. I have friends in bands now. So that’s cool. To put it lightly.

It’s not like I’m going to write about all of my non-shenanigans with these musician friends because that would be essentially me trying to act cool, and sometimes succeeding. I feel like YouTube has both added and detracted from my coolness factor. In my head I feel cooler because I have over 2500 subscribers that care enough to not unsubscribe and people call themselves “fans” of me. But in the larger society, “video blogger” is still a pretty misunderstood concept. Some people still associate “video blogger” with Chris Crocker, and some people only associate “beauty guru” with Michelle Phan, which sucks, because Michelle Phan sucks. Seriously, she sucks.

Maybe I came here to remind myself that I still love writing. I never write scripts for my videos, but that’s mainly because when I read from a script or try to memorize it I just sound ridiculously fake and awkward. But I do love writing. I’ve spent so much time in the last 2 years taking photos and making videos that I’ve kind of lost my first love. I mean, I succeeded in NaNoWriMo last year, but it’s still hard to believe (especially since I haven’t even finished the novel, I just reached over 50,000 words). Novels are different. Fiction is not what I have always done. I don’t write books. I don’t write songs. I write this. I write what I know, and that’s my life. Why couldn’t finding a job be as easy as setting up a blog? Good lord, I wish someone from a big time magazine would stumble upon this tiny blog and fall in love with my words that they would make it their job goal to find me and to get me to work for them. Wouldn’t that be great? It certainly would, but that obviously won’t happen, because that’s not how life works. You have to find your work. Work doesn’t find you.

Where did this even go? I’ve gone through about 6 songs as I’ve written this, from Lemolo to We Are Scientists, to Pop Etc. (formerly the Morning Benders). Maybe I need to take a couple test blogs to get back into how things were, or maybe I’m just preoccupied with the gold glitter in my nail polish.

This actually just popped into my head – what if I stopped blogging because I started doing more meaningful things with my life? Now that’s an existential question if I’ve ever heard one.