Unicorn = Rhinocehorse

4 Sep


I’ve driven so much in the last week, that I’m all Altima’d out. I’ve spent more money on driving and parking in the last week, it was nice to do something that didn’t take any work or money. Well, driving to Lacey took some gas money, but I haven’t seen any of my friends from SMU in way too long, and I wanted to see a nice, small comedy show. Two weeks ago, the Demetri Martin show didn’t go quite as planned, and I’ve driven up to Seattle a lot this week for volunteering.

Not that I haven’t liked volunteering. I have. Everyone’s really cool – Taylor, Corina, Charlie – I was working with them for the most part the last 3 days of volunteering. And it was nice to work with a smaller group of people, which made it much easier to get to know everyone. Fun times. I might try for an internship next year, who knows? Maybe it will work perfectly for the comm. major.

But that’s not why I wrote this blog tonight. I went down to St. Martins tonight to see Christina, Jacki, Aimee, Amanda, Emilee, Tara, and everyone else. I hadn’t been in… way too long. Since December I think, at least since when everyone was there. I missed them all. A lot. I needed some time at SMU, because it’s relaxing, and fun, and stress-free. And it’s nice to know that people remember me and say hi, even though I was there over a year ago. And to be completely honest, even though I love still going back there for visits, it makes me realize how right I was to leave after a year, and makes me appreciate having privacy, and having UWT.

But again, as you can see by the photo I posted on top, and the headline – the reason for this post is mainly Jeff Dye. His gig was why I went down today specifically to hang out. If I get a free comedy show out of it – it’s doubly awesome.

“Hello Catholics!” Silence. “I really thought that there’d be more Catholics. I have 45 minutes of jokes about Catholics. Hmm…”

Let me tell you, none of the comedians who came when I was a freshman had that big of a crowd. Like, they had to bring in more chairs. And that room is tiny. Like Jeff said, it’s the side room of a building in the middle of the woods that you can’t find. Haha. SMU is kind of inconvenient to get to – especially in rush hour. Jeff made a joke about that too – how ridiculously slow the traffic is coming south on I-5 from Tacoma to Lacey. Fort Lewis and McChord AFB traffic is the WORST. I can’t remember exactly what he said, I just remember thinking – TELL ME ABOUT IT!

It was so much fun. Jeff had a mixture of the bits that I remember from LCS – the gym on ecstasy, guess who – and…interesting banter with the large, albeit small, crowd. Four girls sitting in front – who actually were in charge of booking comedians – kept whispering and talking while Jeff was talking, and every time he caught them, he called them out. It was awesome, but from what I remember, they were annoying as hell when I was a freshman. At one point, Jeff said that he hated them, and he wasn’t going to tell anymore jokes because of them. He just stood up on stage for a few minutes, staring them down, making them feel worse about whispering. Then they said, “we’re laughing.”

“That’s not how people laugh!” (and he motioned the whispering hand signal and laughed ridiculously into his hand) “Oh, you’re not laughing, have some of mine! You don’t laugh into other people’s mouths.”

But my favorite bit, at the least the one where I laughed the most was when he was talking about the huge burly guys at the gym and how they make grunting noises when they lift weights.

“So just to mess with them, I grab a five pound hand weight, because that’s what I’m working with, and go like this,” and Jeff lowered the mic and screamed as he mimed lifting weights. Like actually screamed.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, I thought we were all making noises….”

I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants. I actually almost did several times, especially after this one joke about how Unicorns are actually really scary and badass. “It’s a horse, with a horn coming out of it’s head. It should be called a rhinocehorse!” I really had to pee, and I didn’t want to get up during the show, because then I would have been singled out and had to explain that I needed to go to the bathroom. Nah, I just sat and held it. For a good hour and a half. Oh well.

After the show, Aimee, Emilee, Cece and I all asked if we could have a picture with Jeff, and I haven’t felt that short in a long time. He’s so tall. I was actually kind of nervous to ask, because I guess you could say he’s the most famous person I’ve ever met. Waving to Ryan Stiles at a Mariners game when he walked by us doesn’t really count. But I didn’t act all goofy and be like “I follow you on Twitter!” because THAT wouldn’t seem weird at all. :/ He was really cool, and when I told him that I didn’t go to that school, he said, “well that’s what I call cheating.”

I USED to go to that school. I gave enough of myself to that place in one year that I can come anytime I want and enjoy free entertainment.

Hopefully I’ll get to see Jeff’s stand up again, because it’s the kind of stand up you can’t get embarrassed about laughing at. It’s not dirty humor, or low brow, the kind of humor that everyone can enjoy. Now I just wish I could find Jeff’s comedy CD somewhere. It’s impossible to find.

Jeff Dye – you rock. And you’re not an asshole, the “triplets” did need to shut up.

❤ Abby


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