Sasquatch Coitus Interruptus

24 May

I’ll start off by explaining what the fuck that means.

During the Decemberists’ set last night at 7, about halfway through, everyone in the crowd looked to the left, at something. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the fuck people were staring at and cheering at, and suddenly, Libby saw what the big deal was about.

“Right next to the fence! Look!”

There were four different fences, mind you, so I couldn’t figure out what she was looking at, so Libby grabbed my head and faced it towards the cliff area the side of the wooden fence on the top of the hill – and lo and behold, the silhouette of a woman and a man, thrusting – it was a couple was having sex, on the hill in front of thousands of people. Even Colin Meloy started clapping and pointing over to the couple with absolutely no shame. Then the cops came and stopped them, made them wrap things up and get off the hill. SO EVERYONE BOOED. It was HYSTERICAL. Perfectly hilarious.

And then the Decemberists went back on to being amazing.

So there you go.

Now I’ll rewind a little back to 8 hours before.

As my sister and I were almost to the Gorge, about 11 am – mother was driving us there to avoid paying for parking and she went and visited with my aunt and uncle all day – and there was a checkpoint with about 7 cops pulled off to the side of the road. Seriously, it was just as my sister had taken off her seatbelt to read down to get her makeup when the cop flagged us over. My mom, unknowing that my sister had actually just taken her seatbelt off – told the cop that. Libby basically whined, but they actually talked their way out of it – and to top it all off, Libby forgot her ID, so my mom would have been ticketed.

Then it hit me – what if Libby needs her ID to get in? I freaked out momentarily, until we reached the venue, and saw a sign for ID needed for 21 and over. Thank God.

We stood in the ridiculously long line, and made our way in within about a half hour, sandwiches, sunscreen, water bottles, camera and blanket in bag. I could have smuggled anything in my bag, because all the security guy did was put his hands under my purse and jumbled it a little, but didn’t ever look in my purse. He had Libby open up her backpack completely, but mine was fine.

And then, we were in.

Both of us her starving, so we went over to the Wookie Stage to sit in the grass and eat our sandwiches during Owl City. They weren’t bad. Kinda generic, but not bad. We just needed to eat our sandwiches before the mayonnaise and mustard went bad. After Owl City, we walked down to find the main stage. Little did we know – it was at the bottom of a steep hill. We walked up and down that hill 3 different times, each as tiring as the last time. But our first trek down the hill led to Vince Mira – the 17-year-old Spanish-American vocal reincarnation of Johnny Cash. He’s so freaking adorable. And so ridiculously talented it’s insane. I’ll splice all the videos I have from yesterday, because I don’t think I got any whole songs. But I’ll put them on youtube in the next couple of hours.

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After Vince was a little rest in the comedy tent – in the shade. The shade was nice. And this one comedian was pretty funny. His name was Rory Scovel, and was a part of the People’s Republic of Komedy. We actually caught the very end of the comedian before him, but that guy wasn’t nearly as funny as Rory. He came out speaking in a stereotypical southern accent.

“How y’all doin?”

The funniest part was at the end where they had this video about his “charity work for the clown college,” and it ended unexpectedly with various clips of him in like, clown orgies or something. And he and the AV guy kept screaming at eachother, “MARK, SHUT IT OFF!” “I’m trying! It won’t turn off!”

Ha. Ha.

Let me see, what was after that. Oh, then we went and sat for Passion Pit for awhile. They took a long time to get started, as technical difficulties proved a habit for the Wookie stage. But once they started, they were quite good. I’ve only heard one of their songs before on Myspace, so I was curious. The band was really cool, they sounded kind of like Friendly Fires and Matt & Kim, but with a little more electro. The guys voice sounded a little off, but the band was good overall.

The most entertaining part of Passion Pit was the obviously drunk man dancing in front of us. He was wearing a tiny pair of shorts and no shirt with a ridiculous sunburn. He swayed around, thrusting in odd directions, swinging his arms in circles until he tripped over two different groups of people – one a couple and one a couple girls laying out for a tan. So he just lied there with the two chicks, cozying up to their weather-appropriate clothed bodies (i.e. bikinis).

He made us laugh. I’ll have a video soon.

After drunk man was Maria Bamford. FINALLY someone who we actually came to see specifically. I freaking love this woman. I normally don’t like lady comedians, because they always just use the female thing as their shtick, but not Maria.

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She’s totally weird, and it’s awesome. My favorite bit of hers of all time – she didn’t do it yesterday, but it’s still my favorite – is the Voicemail Non sequiturs. You must search for it, because I almost pissed my pants the first time I heard it. Yesterday she did the Pterodactyl song as her closing bit, which is always amusing. But what pissed me off were the people sitting around us who weren’t nearly as entertained. This one chick kept saying, “I don’t get it.”

Then get out of the tent, bitch and make room for people who actually do get it to sit down!

That made me angry.

Her set was only a half hour long, which gave us another like 3 hours until the Decemberists, so we went and got some food and listened to the Mt. St. Helens Vietnam band for awhile before going to the XBOX room for awhile. The food prices were ridiculous. Chicken strips and fries were $9 and water bottles were four fucking dollars. Seriously. After our first water bottle, we decided just to fill that same bottle up from the sinks by the bathrooms. The XBOX room proved to be pretty entertaining as well – as a group of kids got up to play Rock Band. One boy in particular – he looked about 9 – sang during the Offspring song, only he didn’t sing. He just made noises, attempting to hit the right notes. Some overweight man sitting by Libby and I actually proceeded to heckle the kid. Oh XBOX, how much joy you bring people.

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We sat in the somewhat cool room for what seemed like an hour, but it was nice to sit in chairs without the hot sun beating down on our already-sunburnt shoulders. After that, we took yet another trip down to the Main stage to see the end of Animal Collective and get a good spot for the Decemberists – as they were one of the main reasons why we came. Animal Collective was actually really cool. I’ve had their latest album for a good couple months, but I never realized how exciting their music was until I saw it live and saw how all the people around us danced to it. Pretty insane. These guys standing by us had body paint all over them and didn’t not stop jumping for about 10 minutes I’m pretty sure.

And then the dude fell on us.

Yes, a man standing to the right of Libby collapsed – most likely from dehydration. When we saw him laying on the ground, we just kind of stood there like, “um someone do something.” His head was on my feet as he lied there, but then the first aide people standing right on the other side of the barrier came over and got him up. When we looked in the first aide tent 20 minutes later, he was gone, so apparently he was fine. That kinda spooked us.

But nothing was more epic that the Decemberists’ set.

To tell you the truth, the main reason I came to Sasquatch on Saturday was Kings of Leon, but I gotta tell you, I haven’t stopped listening to Hazards of Love all day. Colin Meloy and the gang are really…really good live. Like the kind of good where you wish you didn’t have to listen to the album, you wish you had the entire live set on tape to keep forever. I only had enough battery, so I recorded some of each performance from Animal Collective on, but this lame video recording isn’t nearly enough to make me happy. I’m actually contemplating seeing them again at Marymoor in July because they were so good live. If I get a job by then, we’ll see. But who knows how that’s going to work?

But the Decemberists were so damn good. The two girls who don’t normally record with Colin Meloy and the rest of the band added so much more interest, and Shara, aka My Brightest Diamond reminded me of an updated Grace Slick actually. Seriously. She was so badass. My favorite songs of the night, and the one I can’t stop listening to is The Wanting Comes in Waves/Repaid, The Abduction of Margaret, and The Queen’s Rebuke/The Crossing. I love this whole concept album idea. Sure, it can get a little repetitive, but it’s almost like you could make a whole inexplicably awesome musical from this album. Not like a rock opera, but a musical.

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I love it.

And like I mentioned earlier, the naked couple who had sex on top of a cliff during the whole thing and had their coitus halted by the security guard. I didn’t realize how much my camera zoomed. It’s not very high quality, but it’s something.

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After the Decemberists finished their set at 8:15, we walked back up the horrendously steep hill once again to see Bon Iver. By then, my feet hurt like a BITCH. Like a motherfucking BITCH. Once at the Wookie stage, Mos Def was still performing – and still performed for another half an hour. So this was number one reason why Bon Iver started a half an hour late.

8:37 – Mos Def finished, people left the yard

8:50 – No Bon Iver

9:00 – Still no Bon Iver

9:05 – Cute guys standing by us leave

9:15 – Finally Bon Iver comes on stage

Our spots weren’t as good as during the Decemberists, but it was okay because the ground was grass and not as hard on my feet. He started out with Lump Sum, then moved beautifully into Flume, but the best part was during The Wolves, when Justin had the crowd join in singing “what might have been lost” along with the band, getting louder each time, then screaming at the end of the crescendoing lyrics with him. I got video of it. It was the first time I’ve had that many goosebumps at a concert since Transatlanticism when we saw Death Cab in September at Bumbershoot. They played one song that we were unfamiliar with, but it was pretty awesome, and made us look forward to the next album, after the Blood Bank EP.

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We couldn’t get a good picture of Justin or any of the other guys in the band without the big screen because it was dark and our vicinity to the stage wasn’t very good. But Libby was happy which was the whole reason we didn’t stay at the main stage during the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I wanted to see Bon Iver too, but I knew that if we stayed at the main stage, we’d be really close to the stage once the Kings of Leon came on. But it was all worth it – even walking up the hill multiple times. So Libby and I slipped out after I think 5 songs – at 9:45 to get a decent spot at KOL at the main stage.

It was so fucking crowded. Like, seriously. There was no point in taking pictures of it because it was too dark to see with the Coolpix.

I set my backpack down between my feet and got ready to rock.

I’ve seen the Kings of Leon’s live performances on tv before, but none of that can compare to being in a outdoor stadium with thousands of people on the Columbia River Gorge. It’s so much better than any stage at Bumbershoot, the Paramount, the Key Arena, any club in Seattle, although that’s a different experience altogether. But still, yesterday was the so worth the 100+ dollars we spent in all with the tickets, tee shirt, food and drink. Oh, and you can’t forget gas money.

Caleb, Jared, Matthew and Nathan came out on stage and it was like the President walked on stage. Needless to say, people were excited.

They started out with Slow Night, So Long, which was refreshing, because they didn’t play all new songs all night. Actually switched from new to old pretty frequently. They played songs from Aha Shake Heartbreak, Because of the Times, of course Only by the Night, and Molly’s Chambers from Young and Youth Manhood. I think that was the only track they played from that one, but it was so nice to hear that they played songs for all the fans – the old ones and the new ones. I was especially excited when they played Taper Jean Girl (the first song of theirs that I heard) and Knocked Up (my favorite track of theirs EVER.) Actually, when they started played My Party, I thought it was a new song, because I don’t listen to Because of the Times that often, but now I shall, because I’m totally obsessed with that track now.

And surprisingly, the Followill boys played for an hour and a half, which was half an hour longer than the Decemberists and all the other bands we saw that day. It made me very happy, because I got to look at and listen to them half an hour longer.

I honestly don’t think they could get any sexier. I really don’t think so.

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Oh Jared. You’re so hot.

We left during the last song to try and get out before the huge crowds, but we got tee shirts on our way out. Libby got a Sasquatch shirt and I got a Kings of Leon tee shirt.

Surprisingly, as we walked down the road past all the campers and grape plants, Mom called us, telling us where she was, and literally a minute later, we found her. In a sea of thousands of people, Mom found us within 5 minutes. Quite miraculous really.

Actually, the whole day was quite miraculous. The only thing I wish I would have done was walk down to the main stage Easy Street booth to see in The Decemberists were there to sign stuff at 2:00. And maybe see Ra Ra Riot before The Decemberists, but I’m too tired to have any fucking regrets.

❤ Abby

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