Now I honestly have something to write about

5 Oct

You ever get those times when you feel really out of place?

I just had one.

And I’m not homesick. Really. I don’t miss my parents that much, seriously. It’s my friends. It’s the atmosphere. I seriously can say that I might transfer next year. I don’t know where, hell, maybe Evergreen. Because yes, this school is small, yes it’s very student-teacher oriented, but I don’t feel like myself sometimes. I know that I should get to know different people, but I haven’t met anyone who reminds me of my friends back home. I miss being around my nerdy friends having sleepovers where the coolest thing that we do is a reading of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.” I talked to my mom when we were picking schools and we said that I would probably transfer after a year or two. I’m seriously considering. Because I know that my parents can afford it, that’s not the issue. I don’t want to have them pay for it. I’m just like my mom was. And I don’t want to have to worry about paying 30,000 a year, when they don’t even have my major. Okay, so English is okay, but two journalism classes. Two.

And if I don’t feel like I’m fitting in, why deal with it?

I considered transferring to UW after a couple years, but that’s way too big. Not so much the fact that it’s miles wide, but the fact that I’d be a complete nobody in a sea of thousands, and I wouldn’t feel as safe, seeing that it’s in the U-district of Seattle. There would be a larger diversity, but still. I’d feel too small.

That’s the one thing that I love about St. Martins, that it’s small. It’s small, and cooperative. But I’m not like a lot of these people. I’m not a religious person. I’m not a sorority girl. I’m not a theater nerd, although I love going to plays. I feel like these days I can’t be who I am because there’s no one else around me who will listen. There’s no one I’ve met who’s into journalism that much. Seriously, some of the kids in my class don’t even pay attention to the news when that’s part of our daily assignments.

Then I thought about maybe an out of state school that’s a really good journalism school, but then the thing came back to me about how big they were. I don’t want to be in classes of hundreds. I like close-knit communities.

When we went to go visit Michael at Evergreen, I felt oddly at home. The fact that they had a literary magazine just sums it all up. They had murals on almost all the walls. Okay, so some of the kids there smoke pot, okay, a lot, but if they have classes that actually would be apart of what I want to do in life, why not? It doesn’t mean I have to smoke pot. And I don’t like feeling like I can’t be myself because there’s nothing for me. I’m thinking maybe Western too. Who knows?

It just sucks that on those brochures you got from colleges, that you could see a little more in depth into the people that went there.

At least I’m going back to paste-up next week.

❤ Abby

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